writer's block

Wikipedia describes writer's block as "temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity." It continues to say it can be related to depression or anxiety. Another interpretation argues that many writers "have been unable to devote themselves to, or concentrate on, their writing because their social and economic circumstances prevent them from doing so." They offer various solutions to help with writer's block, many of which I might try sometime.

I've noticed I have problems writing. When I sit down to write, I get nothing. I get hit with all these great blogging ideas when I'm in a situation where I can't write - like when I'm in the middle of my shift at work, or in bed just as I'm about to fall asleep, or down at the bus stop waiting to pick up Kirsten. If my phone's handy, I'll send myself a little text message with a small gist of what I want to write about. As soon as I finish waiting on patients, or wake up in the morning, or get home with Kirsten, I completely forget. Then days and weeks pass, and I finally see the message in my phone, without a clue of what the rest of the story is behind the few words or broken sentences.

I think a large portion of my problem is pretty simple. It's about insecurity. I have so many friends and family around me that I see as great writers. Karen has been an amazing writer for as long as I've known her. She's recently (in the past year or two) delved into the blogging world, and it's been exciting to see all these things she's had stored up in her mind just take off in print. I firmly believe she's on her way to one day publishing her amazing thoughts. My friend Rebecca was the one that inspired and encouraged me to start my blog. When she posts about something, she backs it up with so much information that you really can learn a lot from her. This past Sunday I had the privilege of sitting in church next to my friend Shelley. This girl is a natural writer - she amazes me! I couldn't help but watch how her mind was running while our pastor was speaking. That might not make perfect sense, but bear with me as I explain! Shelley is a note taker. She had a great notebook that her husband gave her, and she was writing with a gorgeous olive colored fine point Sharpie (I'm totally into pens!). Now, when I take notes, I'm lucky if I can hear what the speaker is saying and get words down legibly. Shelley has the art down to a science, including full sentences, bullet points, outlined sections... it's amazing! I would've paid her to take notes for me in some of my college classes - that might have helped me a few points at least! Oh, and her handwriting is a style I've always been fascinated with - I wish I could write that cool! I love it! (I'll say it first, "Ruth, you're a nerd!") Anyway, it was like watching a painting in progress. It really was beautiful! (Sorry for not totally listening to you, Craig - I was mesmerized!) Then there's someone like Doug. He writes (and speaks) in languages I don't comprehend (big words! LOL), yet I feel challenged to try my hardest to understand. He reminds me some of my brother Steve, and maybe that's what intrigues me to keep reading his posts. I also have other blogging and non-blogging friends/family that are amazing writers.

The problem is that I think I let myself feel inadequate too much. I read their posts and don't leave comments (yes, I'm a lurker), fearing that I won't have anything remotely intelligent or witty enough to say. I hesitate on posting things myself because I worry about how silly I might sound, or how trivial the post might seem. I know I have issues with people face to face in conversations, where the same things go through my mind, which prevents me from sharing as much as I'd like to. (I even posted about it earlier this month.)

I think I'll try to take some of the advice Karen left on her blog today about writing. She said not to be afraid to be vulnerable. I've already seen how sometimes just getting things out paper, so to speak, has been therapeutic for me. And I've seen how touched I've been by posts from others. Who's to say mine don't effect others, too?

So, I'll keep trying. I'll write in the manner I decide, with whatever punctuation and simple words I feel like using. I might end up posting with just a photo here and there, or a silly story about something at home. I might pour out my heart some, or I might just share a recipe I found that looks good. (Of course, that would be with a hint for anyone to make it for me! LOL) I know the majority of people that even look at my blog are family and friends that I know care for me, so I need to just continue being myself and let it be!