status quo

The status quo. The existing state or condition. Also called "status in quo." *looks at the title* Hmmm... I think I like it in all lower case like that. No caps. Maybe I'll starting doing all my blog post titles that way. I like the look of it. *pauses and hums to self* Sorry, I digress. Anyhoo, let me preface this one with saying that I'm not here to air my dirty laundry, or rather my dirty list of ailments. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. This is to update some people that have asked me about the situation, but also (and more-so) for my own sake. If I don't write this down now, I'll completely forget by morning what happened! Yes, even with an adequate amount of coffee!

Today I followed up with my PCP about the blood work I had done on the 2nd. Everything looked pretty good, with the exception of the glucose. It came back as borderline insulin resistant, of which a nurse told me a week ago & let me worry over it till today. My doctor told me it wasn't horrible, but it does raise a flag. It falls pretty close to the "pre-diabetes" range. After discussing more of how I've been feeling & what I've been doing, we decided to change my meds a little. I'd been taking some metformin for a little while, and we're wondering if that's been making me feel so horrible. It's typically a medicine for diabetes to help control blood sugar levels, but we're using it to help treat my PCOS. It may be that I'm on too high of a dose, so I'll be cutting back on it now. He said I might have to play around a little with it to see how it makes me feel. He told me to watch my symptoms and how to help myself when I'm feeling yucky again (it sounded to him like I might be hypoglycemic - with my levels bottoming out from time to time). The bummer is that I'm going to have to be more diligent of what I'm taking & eating... and keeping track is not an easy task for me! I bought a cool new pill dispenser (days of the week kind) & hopefully that'll help me remember to take what I need.

My weight is definitely an issue, only because of all this other garbage that's combining with that negatively against me. We talked a little about it, but not too much. He knows I'm aware and I know what needs to be done. But the other big thing is this decision Matt & I have to make. We just don't feel ready to have this set in stone yet. If you didn't read the post from the gyno visit, basically we have to figure out if we're going to try getting pregnant again or not. And I have to let my doctor know in two months. Matt & I have talked briefly about it a few times, but it seems he's as reluctant to make a decision as I am. I talked a little with my sister Valorie about it, and she said maybe this is what we need. Meaning, we've been dragging our feet about whether we'll do this again or not (we have to do the infertility route), and now this is finally making us come to a decision. I'm not getting any younger, and now my body is basically getting to the point of forcing me to make my choice. With either decision, I'll pretty much have to start some type of treatment relatively fast. Some thoughts...

~ Forty isn't too far off anymore.
~ I'm feeling old lately.
~ Kirsten mentions something to me at least once a month about having a sibling (it's hard when she brings out her baby doll & tells me it's her baby brother - she even uses the name we'd use - I should never have told her).
~ I don't feel like I'm old enough to be done with having kids, especially when practically one in five gals at church are having babies. Am I really that much older than they are?
~ There's a chance Matt might get a promotion in a few months, which would be so good for us.
~ Kirsten would be so amazing & being a big sister could really help her with some of her issues (ADHD/autism).
~ If this was God's plan, wouldn't it have happened by now?
~ Kirsten is enough work sometimes - as if she was 2 or 3 kids in one! LOL
~ Part of me feels my heart would always ache for more, yet part of me feels so fulfilled with our sweet girl - and I know we've been so fortunate to be able to have her, especially looking at all of our struggles to get pregnant with her (and since).

When I was talking with Val on Friday, a thought came to mind that I'd forgotten about. Back when Matt & I were trying to conceive with Kirsten, we had talked quite a bit about the possibility of adoption. We realized there might be a point where we would have to call it quits on pregnancy, and that there is such a need for parents to love a child that doesn't have a family. Matt's brother Aaron & his wife Jenn were able to make that a reality for their family a few years ago when God brought Otto into their lives. So, if we decide no more pregnancy attempts, there's always adoption to think about. And like Val reminded me - our lives are FULL of children that we can love & pour ourselves into! Heck, we've got 18 nieces & nephews (or is it 19?!?), along with some great nephews & nieces! That's not including kids of our cousins & friends...!

I don't know when we'll make the "final" decision, but please keep us in your thoughts & prayers as we weigh out our options. And hopefully I'll at least be a little lighter & more regulated with my meds by the time I see the doctor in January!