Reflections

Twelve years ago today Matt & I were married. It's weird to hear that number out loud... makes me feel kind of old! Lots of life has happened in that time, and I'd just like to take a moment to remember some of it out loud...

* Matt's made comments on occasion that we/he were/was too young. He turned 21 a week prior to our wedding, and I was 24. Not that it was a mistake, but we/he were/was still immature. I guess in retrospect, it would've been nice to have had more time to stabilize careers and such... that's the main thought of the age factor. We could've had Matt stay in the broadcasting field - we just thought with marriage we needed jobs that paid a lot, not necessarily looking at the big picture of the future. Hopefully someone will heed a bit of our advice someday!?!

* For as much as society tries to lighten the seriousness of the sanctity of marriage, I can firmly say even now that the grass may on occasion to us look greener on the other side, but there's bound to be nasty grubs at the roots of it! Funny, I just did a quick search on grubs, and found that they "...eat at the roots of grass, causing the grass to die and form brown patches." The same applies to an affair - on the surface everything may be beautiful and lush, but at the roots is the future death of the relationship (the marriage and the affair). And the brown patches - I think that can symbolize the way it can effect us on the outside after the death of the marriage. Yeah, no matter how scrawny the grass over here may seem at times, it's actually the lawn that will last for all time for me. And I'm not allergic to this one!

* Parenthood has definitely changed our relationship. Sometimes it's felt as if the marriage has gotten lost in the shuffle, but we've always been completely focused on the needs of our child. And there's been a deep joy in seeing how much we each love and just adore our little girl. Parenthood hasn't been easy from the beginning, starting with the struggles of infertility and all the doubts and questions that come with that. Then with Kirsten's early arrival and numerous medical issues, it's been a challenge. But it's been so cool to see how we don't really mind the sacrifices we've made for her. We've driven one car for years... and we still live in an apartment! Sure, a lot of that was from poor choices we've made with our finances, but a lot of it was also just simple sacrifices. Parenthood has been good. Oh, and we also have known from the beginning the importance of making time for our relationship. Even if we don't seem to have the time or money, at least we're aware & keep talking. That's been good.

* We still don't seem to have the proper grip on our finances as we would've hoped by now. Sure, we definitely have learned thru the years and have grown a LOT in this area, but I wish there was a magic pill we could take & suddenly wake up with a determination that we'd have no problems following through on. Yes, I know many others struggle with this, too... it's just one of those things we have to remind ourselves of often!

* God has definitely been good to us. I know, a lot of garbage has happened in our lives. But there's no denying that God has definitely been a strong glue in the strength of our marriage. When we've been so nervous on days of Kirsten's surgeries, God's given us the strength to stay calm for our little girl. When I dealt with the death of my sister, God gave me a peace that I can't see possible aside from Him. When we've fought and thought our relationship couldn't make it past whatever struggle we were going through, God sent us reminders of His perfect love for us and how He had great plans for our future together... and we remembered that divorce just simply wasn't an option. It's been nice to see each other growing in our relationship with Christ and to see how that has been effecting every area of our lives.

* Matt's made some comments (trying to be funny, but he was serious) from time to time about how he could never find another that would put up with him. Well, I feel the same! Believe it or not, I'm not the easiest person to live with! LOL (You can stop laughing now!) I'm still amazed at how it can seem at times that we don't make a good match (for example: we both are procrastinators!), and yet we really really do. Even with how we hooked up in the first place - that was something neither of us would've ever expected. Definitely a God thing! He had something in mind, and apparently He still does! Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future! I can't wait to see what the next 12 years holds!

All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
...More than words...