Restoration

Today I had the good fortune of having moments of deep thought that lingered... usually they leave my head faster than I can start mulling them over! One such topic, restoration, stemmed from a decision I made this morning to go to the gym. You see, I haven't been there since August. I've been paying my monthly membership fees, but have basically just been too lazy to go. I lost my exercise partner. I got sick. I've been busy. I've been too tired. The excuses are numerous, but the real reason is that I've just been lazy. Sure, it was rough getting back into it. My breathing was a little labored (didn't use my inhaler, tho), I was sweating a little (of which I absolutely HATE), and my knee hurt. But it was good! It really felt good emotionally to overcome this issue. In a heartbeat I could rattle off a list of reasons why I want to... NEED TO lose weight, but for some reason I've always let those slip my mind. I want to be able to play more with my active child without feeling pooped. I want to attempt a swimsuit at some point so I can swim with my daughter. I want to be a little less uncomfortable in the hot season approaching. Even deeper - I'm tired of my poor self-image. I want to begin seeing me like my daughter sees me. Like God sees me. I want my husband to see me happier with myself. And I want to be able to at least entertain the thought of one final attempt at pregnancy. I want to just feel better.

I feel a bit of some restoration has happened today. God's enabled me to see how this is a step in the path of healing. A simple, mundane step to some, but I need to remind myself of how large of a step this really is. Psalm 23:3 - He restores my soul. Restoration takes time. It took me years to get my body in bad shape, so why do I feel like a failure if I can't see changes instantly? Funny how we fail to notice the little steps in the process of restoration. Think of cars, houses, photos... those all take time (and precise attention to detail) to fix. Then why don't we really get the idea that restoration of our body, mind, and soul will take time, too? I'm glad God cares so deeply about me that He wants to take the time to help me heal. He's not up for a quick fix so He can leave. He's been in for the long haul from day one (I know, even before!). He desires to have me talking with Him along this path we're on... sharing with Him my struggles & frustrations... and these simple moments of positive steps like today.