clutter attack

As of last night, I had accumulated over 400 messages in my email inbox. It's not that I've been ignoring them, but I just haven't taken time in well over a week now to go thru them. I look at some, read some from family & friends. I have the best intentions to respond to people, but for some reason my brain just hasn't been in the chatty mood. No particular reason, either. I'm not upset with anyone, not down in the dumps at all. I'm just... ??? Do you find this happening to you at times? I have had a semi-cold lately, and I know that's been making me feel more tired. I also realize that when I'm not feeling 100%, my eyes/head/body doesn't like being in front of the computer screen. Maybe that's some of it? My friend wrote me last night & mentioned she hadn't heard back from me in a while. I looked, and sure enough, it's been days since she wrote me and I hadn't responded yet. Why not?!? (Sorry, sweetie!) I honestly didn't realize it's been a while. I guess the days are just passing by me and I better jump back on board!

This morning I had the goal of purging my inbox down to at least 200. Half is a reasonable goal. Instead, I waste a ton of time making a new layout for my MySpace page! D'oh! (It's a "Hairspray" theme, too... very fun!) There went 2 hours I could've been doing something more productive with! Oh well. At least I managed to do a few good things around here. Now I've got just enough time to respond to a few emails, delete a few more unwanted ones, and get ready for work. There's always tomorrow, right?!?

wordless wednesday - how much for the manicure?

sweet solution

All day today I kept tasting that yucky stuff that the dentist put in my tooth (some type of medicated solution, under the temporary filling). Everything I ate & drank ended up tasting like it, too. That started at around 10:00 this morning & didn't let up until around 7 or so this evening (still continues a little, even). Anyway, my brother Paul was talking to me & came up with just what my mouth needed - scoops of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream in a big bowl, accompanied by banana slices & topped with chocolate syrup! I think he's got the right idea!


(There, just had to show a picture of the yummy creation! It did the trick!)

saving some for later

I survived! I made it through the dental appointment, and I actually did it without the nitrous (the wonder gas)! You wonder how such a miracle occurred? Let me explain... I told the assistant right away that I wanted the gas. I met the doctor, we went over the game plan for what was to happen, and she asked if I wanted the gas before the shot (you know, the 3-foot long needle that's supposed to help you by injecting numbing solution in the area they'll be working on). I thought I'd be brave, and I told her I'll take it after. She swabbed some of the topical numbing stuff on the area. She actually swabbed quite a bit of it. Enough that when she was slowly injecting the stuff in my gums, the solution mixed with my saliva and started going down the back of my throat. Of course, with the way the table was tilted, it was all gravity. Yeah, I was flat on my back, and I'm pretty sure my head wasn't level with the rest of my body... felt like my feet were definitely higher. You can guess what happened... my throat started to numb up. So, after the shot, she hooks me up with the gas. Little piggy mask, as we called it with Kirsten. I don't normally have issues of claustrophobia, but this definitely was a closing-in scenario! My breathing was labored in the mask, and I couldn't even feel myself swallow, let alone breathe through my mouth. I immediately said I'd do it without the gas. I was so fast with that statement, she didn't even have time to back away to turn the tank on! Thankfully, I was a bit more level, even elevated slightly, when she was working on my tooth. They used that weird blue plastic spit shield (it's supposed to keep my mouth more free of the particles and such) on me. I think I kind of liked it, actually! It made my tongue feel protected from the instruments. You never know if one of those things will go rogue. Comical moment: my arms started shaking a bit from holding onto the arms of the chair so tightly! Almost like a Mom's death grip on the steering wheel when her teenage son's driving for the first time! I almost dozed off a few times, too. I think after my nerves calmed down enough (at first, they were so bad - I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest!), my body kind of went complete opposite on me, almost putting me to sleep. I did keep my eyes tightly shut the entire time, too. I didn't want to see a single thing they were doing! After about an hour and 1/2 of working on me, she had to stop. She was working on a molar, and she cleared out two of the canals, but one was being stubborn. Not quite sure on the details, but she said she'd need me to come back again. Then she mentioned something about if she can't get it, she'll have to refer me out. No clue what that all means, but I'll deal with it if & when the time comes.

So, with my mouth numb and my jaw sore, I left with my head held high. I made it through the whole procedure without a whiff of nitrous. Guess I could've had that sangria at lunch, Vickie! *wink*

distractions

Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment for a root canal. When I scheduled it, I said to the woman at the office that as long as I have some gas, I'll be fine. She told me to try it without the gas, that the doctor is so good that I won't even need it. Um, yeah, she obviously doesn't know me! There's no way I'd even attempt it without the gas. Actually, I'll even remind myself to take some pain meds (and I'll be sure to throw in a little Xanax while I'm at it! LOL) before I go. If I could be drunk and passed out, I'd do that! Of course, that'd be a little difficult in the getting there part if I was like that. Anyway, I'm nervous. Like I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of going to the dentist. (I know Shelley shares my fear, while Karen somehow enjoys it!) I experience extreme anxiety when I go. I feel absolutely silly, knowing I should be able to calm myself and control my emotions better. But for some reason, it's just impossible. It's like I'm possessed or something... that my body isn't mine anymore. Kind of like a bad dream. Yeah, that sums it up - a really bad dream!

Anyway, I have a few distractions for the day planned. My friend Vickie's coming to pick me up in the morning. We'll go for coffee or breakfast or something. Not quite sure what the plans are yet, but that's okay. It'll just be something keeping me from thinking about where I'll be that afternoon. That's good. And I'm a little under the weather. Just a cold, I believe, but it's enough to keep me thinking about that instead of thinking about my tooth. You know, the one that will be tortured tomorrow afternoon. Poor little fella. At least it'll be better when it's over.

So, with that, I'll be on my way to bed now. I just hope I don't have any scary dreams of dental offices - that would NOT be good!

weird smells

I did a load of laundry today, using a sample of Tide Simple Pleasures in vanilla & lavender scent. When I opened the washer when the cycle was done, the scent reminded me of a hamster's cage! Weird!

Anyone else have any good or bad moments of sampling?!?

wordless wednesday - it's all in the editing

what she learned in school today

This is what my sweet, impressionable Peanut learned in first grade today...


(Mom, I bet you'll be leaving a comment on this one, won't ya?!?)

And yes, it wasn't from her teacher!

surgery follow-up

Went to see Dr.Madgy this morning about Kirsten's nose. Voiced my concerns. He asked his questions & looked at her. I also got to see the photos of before/after the surgery - and how open he got the nostril back there. Anyway, he said it's still open, but we need to be a bit more aggressive at our management of it now. He gave us a steroid spray to use, as well as continuing the saline nasal spray. The steroid is to help with inflammation, which could be an issue. She's had occasional bloodiness from the nostril, which could be from either a slight infection or from dryness (it is winter!). So, with more aggressive treatment of the nostril, we're hoping it'll stay clear & open! My nerves are settled now - she's okay! We see him again in 2 months to check on the progress.

my bite is worse than my bark

I hate my teeth. And one of my biggest gripes about dental insurance is that I really feel it should be a part of our medical coverage. Think about it - if your teeth have problems, doesn't it effect your entire body? You can get sick from a dental infection, you can be in some serious pain from it, and it can even keep you from eating properly if you have certain dental issues. The problem with dental insurance is that even if you have "good" coverage, you still have to shell out so much money out of pocket for any services. It stinks.

Part of me wishes I could just get 'em all pulled out & have dentures put in. That would seem so much easier in the long run. But I know, people say they want to save the teeth. Well, at what cost? Weeks of pain and dental torture as you work to save one tooth - not to mention the hundreds upon hundreds (if not thousands, like some people I know had to recently do) of dollars you pay out of pocket, just for that tooth to have to eventually be pulled one day. Or for the one next to it to start acting up a few months later. Seriously? Is it really worth it? My parents both had full sets of dentures by the time they turned 22 yrs. I know that's young, but that's also back in the early 50's, before they started doing all they have to do today to save teeth.

The argument I hear from many people is that "you don't want that." Well, that's not very convincing to me. I have bad teeth. I've always had bad teeth. They get cavities often, regardless of my brushing habits. I get pain in my teeth. They get sensitive. It seems it's been years since I've been without some type of issue in my mouth - at least since high school. I'm just tired of shelling out so much money to save what seems to want to crumble away anyway.

What do you think? Please chime in - I'd honestly love to hear some thoughts about teeth!

P.S. I think another thing adding to my thoughts is my severe anxiety when I go to the dentist. Maybe that's why I keep switching dentists - I'm looking for that magical one where I won't be afraid! :)

dragon zone

Kirsten returned back to school on Monday, after a full 3 weeks of vacation (well, a week of it had to do with her surgery). She was happy to go back to see her friends, as expected. On that first day back, the whole class was allowed to bring something for show and tell (normally, they only do one child per day). I was trying to help Kirsten decide what she got for Christmas that she might like to bring with her. Her first thought was the bean bag she'd received from Nana & Papa, but that definitely wouldn't fit into her backpack! The next thought is what she ended up deciding on... Dragon. Yes, the same beautiful girl dragon you've seen in the Shrek movies. But the funny thing is that she's had this toy for a few years already! It's not new at all! Heart set on it, I had to let her do it! And while we were waiting at the bus stop in the car that morning, we listened to a dragon song ("Do the Dragon" by Laurie Berkner, a singer of fun kids' songs!)!

Just look at those powerful wings! Watch out for that tail!


She's so fierce! (Or is she just yelling for baby Dronkey?!?)


She'll stare you down!


Awwww, isn't she so pretty?!?

tattletale

I'm officially a nark! I wrote a letter of complaint to McDonald's corporation today about my never-ending frustrating with the service I receive when I order coffee the way I like it! (See my 11.28.07 "irritations" post for details... I won't bore you again here with it all!) Anyway, I came to the conclusion that the staff at McDonald's has adapted so seriously to the way they add the cream & sugar for customers, that they forget to hand out a stirrer when customers want to add ingredients themselves. There's just no other logical explanation as to why this has happened to me so many times!

I wasn't meaning to rat them out, but rather to enlighten them all as to how to go back to pleasing the customer in the best way possible! LOL And since I know you're just itching to read what I wrote, here you go...

"I always order my coffee with cream & sugar on the side. I'd have to say about 7 out of 10 times, the employee does not give me anything to stir my coffee with. I think it's because they're used to adding the cream & sugar to the coffee so often for customers, but I'm getting really frustrated at not receiving a stirring straw, and having to wait for them to return to the window to ask - and often they seem bothered that I ask. I'd suggest a reminder goes out to all restaurants to remind them of this, please! (This happens to me at almost every location I visit.) Also, I love when they put the cream & sugar in that separate clear bag for me! Too often it's either added on top of my hot food items in the bag, or it's sometimes even handed to me - all 8 creams and 8 sugars! Yikes! Thank you!"

never look at life the same

This morning we started a new series at Paradox called "30 Days to Live." There are 4 parts to the series, and today's section was "Live." Our pastor, Craig, did a great job of getting the point across on this one... I still can't stop thinking about it! What would you do if you only had 30 days left to live? How would you live your life differently?

Looking at it in that light, I think we'd all choose to live for what really matters. I know if I suddenly was about to die in the next few minutes, and knew it was about to happen, I'd have many regrets. I'd regret not truly living my life for what mattered most to me. Too often I've let insecurities & fears shape my decisions. I've held myself back from doing things I've wanted to do. I've said the "when..." thing way too many times. So many of us have. You know what I mean. Mine's been "when I have my own house, I'll be able to have people over more often" (spend more time with others). I think I've let that hold me back too often from spending time with people. I know of many opportunities that I look back on and wish I just would've made it happen. (Like with friends & family that are now moved far away.) I need to turn those when moments into now moments. I need to just call & connect, regardless of whatever insecurities are holding me back.

We saw a video clip of a guy that was dying from ALS. He shared some regrets of experiences he missed out on because of his own selfishness when he was healthy. He encouraged us not to make the same mistake. Yesterday I attended a funeral/memorial and was reminded of how I regret not visiting Mrs. Wrubel before she passed away. I was also reminded of how I regret not doing more things with my sister before she died. Those moments are gone. All I can do is not allow that to happen again with others.

The point? I need to start living as if I knew I had only 30 days left to live. Sure, this won't be an overnight change. This will take time. But I need to start. I think today I'll spend a little less time on the computer and a little more time with my daughter. She's seven, and she won't be this age for much longer. I need to enjoy these moments with her now... today.

reflections

This afternoon I attended a memorial service for Mrs. Helen Wrubel. The relation between us is by marriage - she was Matt's Dad's brother's wife's mother. She passed away December 3rd, and the family decided to wait until after the holidays to do something. It was a nice service. The pastor didn't seem to personally know Mrs. Wrubel (Aunt Sally & Uncle Gary attend the church where this was held), but he said some nice things about what he's heard of her. He read a letter that Aunt Sally had written about her Mom, which was a brief summary of her life. It stated when she was born, where her parents were from, her dreams about attending nursing school, where she lived, who she married, and the family she had. It was interesting to hear that in spite of all the loss she had experienced, she never let it defeat her. She was strong. I'm sure she had her moments, but she rose above them... through them... and kept on living for the joys she loved, mainly family. She also loved the Lord, and I believe she looked to Him for her strength, too. Two of her favorite songs were played during the service. I had to close my eyes and listen... they were amazing operatic-like songs. The first was "Time to Say Goodbye" with Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli and the second was "The Prayer" with Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli. Wow, what beautiful music! I didn't know Mrs. Wrubel loved opera! I couldn't help but reflect some about my sister as I listened to those songs. My sweet sister Evelyn absolutely loved opera, and she would've really enjoyed those songs we heard today. I think she really would've enjoyed the singers, too, but I think their rise to stardom happened either around the time or after my sister died. Well, I'm sure her & Mrs. Wrubel are enjoying quite the choir in heaven together now!

The pastor gave others some time to share special thoughts or memories they had of Mrs. Wrubel. Our cousin Libby had written out a little something ahead of time, and it was just beautiful. She's married into the family, like I am, and she obviously had a great connection to Mrs. Wrubel (her Grandmother by marriage). Listening to the words that were shared, I noticed the theme through it all - she was a happy woman! She was always cracking jokes, smiling, laughing, just enjoying life. That's what I remember about her. I have one vivid memory of a Labor Day family picnic where she & I were sitting down laughing. I really enjoyed her company, and it was nice to hear that so many others felt the same. She will be missed, and she will be remembered.

Some other reflections I had today was in the building itself. The church was the one where Matt grew up. His parents started going there before he was born. I started going there when I was in the 10th grade. I couldn't resist walking around a little, exploring areas that I used to know so well. A lot of history was in that building - almost 26 years of Matt's life and about 15 of mine. That's where we met. We were married there. That's where I met a few other friends that I still hold dear (even though I might not see them often). Matt & I had some great experiences there that helped us grow into the people we are today (i.e. working in the youth group). And we left there together before we had Kirsten. I think I'm a little surprised that I'm not necessarily sad at how much has changed there. It was just good to reflect.

On the way home I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. Playing overhead was "Help me, Rhonda" by the Beach Boys. Another song today to remind me of my sister. I like that.

It was a good day today. I was able to see some family and catch up a little (there are some truly wonderful people in the Gross family!), I was able to look at that church in a nice reflective light, I was able to close my eyes and feel as if I was listening to that music with Evie, and I was able to remember the love & laughter of Mrs. Helen Wrubel. It was a good day today!

say it isn't so

I'm getting a little better at this worrying thing. I'm learning to pray more about whatever is bothering me. I'm also learning to do something that comes completely unnatural to me - not let my mind complete the negative thoughts out. That's a biggie. But I'm learning, little by little.

My concern at this very moment is Kirsten's nose. As you know, she had surgery on her right nostril the week before Christmas (see post here for the 12/19 details). This was a choanal atresia ("CA" for short) repair, which essentially was drilling thru the bone that was preventing her from using that nostril. In surgeries past, the doctor inserted a stent (tube) to help hold the area open during healing. Within a few weeks of the stent's removal, it would grow closed. Even when she had the extensive surgery thru her palate, which was the "last resort" of this type of surgery, her nostril still closed up in the end. She's got some super-healing powers, I tell you! (And the bone growing so quickly is what surprises me most still!)

Where we are tonight is that her nostril is getting plugged. You know how it sounds when you have a cold and you sniff and you just can't get much air in? That's what's happening. I had her cover her left nostril & sniff in the right side. It collapsed in, and I could just barely hear a little air pass thru. I've been using some saline nasal spray on it several times a day, and it doesn't seem to be helping. I was hoping this would just be an issue related to the weather we've got (it's winter in Michigan - need I say more?), but then why isn't it happening in the other side instead? I could very well be worrying about nothing. I hope that's the case. I'm praying that's the case! I remember earlier today at my sister's house, Kirsten's nostril was gooping like it used to. I'm just beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

So I'll continue to pray about her nose. And I'll continue to keep my mind on the here & now, not on the "what if?"s of this.